Personal & Geeky

Now I Know, What I’m Missing..

I’m back from my hiatus.

It was the perfect time to reread everything I wrote (but I didn’t anyway). I took my time to muhasabah and I finally found the missing key. I was scared to be myself.

I fear my thoughts being rejected, hence I opted a fine line between right & wrong.

I fear that my words would hurt people around me, slowly pushing them away.

I fear that people know too much about me, when I have no idea who they are.

Finally, I fear of losing my popularity.


Here’s a reminder to myself, you are what you are. Don’t be afraid to be different. Even if people shuts you down, you know yourself, you have every good intention of making the world a better a place.

ps: I’ll be kicking asses again, wohoo!

By NoktahHitam

I am web developer, who's main concern is to save the trees. Nonetheless

32 replies on “Now I Know, What I’m Missing..”

u selalu nasihat i, be strong be strong.
bila i cakap i’m a bad person, u cakap i’m not.
now i’m believe i’m not bad, even i know the truth that i’m bad.

do the same. u r not bad okay. 🙂

AK, here’s my view.

I believe I’m a bad person. That being said, I will not rest my soul to improve myself.

You see, it’s hard to improve from good to better, but easier from bad to good.

So as long as you think you’re bad and constantly doing something good, you’re naturally a sheep wearing a wolve’s skin.

Honestly, I don’t think you’re neither good or bad, you’re just mean and garang (at least that’s how I feel).

It wasn’t a sudden fear. It elevates slowly and it was hard to foresee tiny particles, which eventually became apparent.

The fear, because, I like a girl and I don’t want her to have a bad impression, so I suppressed all my wicked thoughts.

It was a poor judgment, but I’m sure you’d do the same.

“I fear my thoughts being rejected, hence I opted a fine line between right & wrong.
I fear that my words would hurt people around me, slowly pushing them away.
I fear that people know too much about me, when I have no idea who they are.”

same goes to me..
huu, nothing is everything, right?

u write things to please yourself, not others…

if you are afraid to cross the lines and dare not to write things that may cost your popularity, better write a diary and keep in under your pillow 😀

just be yourself k?

ed, since when anything could stop u from doing what u want to do? c’on lah, even if they hesitate u, i doubt they’ll ever stop u for good.

u’re way too headstrong for all these.. trivial matters.

saya percaya saya budak yang tidak baik (jahat), jadi, saya tidak boleh percaya kepada diri sendiri.

boleh aku tafsirkan sedemikian?

atau ‘bad’ tu perlu ditafsirkan dengan maksud yang lebih teruk? takpe…aku tafsirkan sebagaimana yang aku paham. (macam yang aku tulis atas tu)

masalah dia ialah kau dah buat judgement dengan begitu cepat. adakah maksudnya, apabila seseorang itu ‘bad’, maka kita tak boleh percaya pada dia. adakah tu yang kau maksudkan dengan kau takleh percaya diri sendiri sebab kau rasa diri kau jahat?

adakah diri kau tu memang sepenuhnya ‘bad’?

ada yin, ada yang. ada kecil, ada besar. ada kaya, ada miskin. ada baik, ada jahat. dan dalam diri kau sendiri ada baik dan jahat tu.

tak salah untuk melihat pada yang negatif. tapi, jangan biarkan pemikiran yang terus negatif tu yang kontrol tindakan dan pemikiran kita. semua orang pun ada ‘rangka dalam almari masing-masing’. tapi, tak semestinya kita perlu biar rangka-rangka tu menghantui hidup kita.

setakat ni dulu, onim mintak tolong kemas bilik. roger!

It’s great that you know (and realize) what you missed now, rather than having to know it (and realize it) later from others. It’s good to know that you are no more on hiatus mode.

Everyone thinks (and feel) that they are bad person, if we keep on comparing it to others that is. But having to acknowledged oneself as slightly good person than the one that we once thought bad would somehow give us a lil bit of motivation to become a good person eventually, although there are numbers who still think that we are bad person. You and I are not bad either, not that good either, but somewhere in between. That being said, I guess that what’s good and bad make us feel complete as human being. No one is perfect.

You’re not as bad as you think. And here’s the ‘bomb’ – you’re better than what you actually think 🙂 there’s no way you could doubt yourself. If you do, I have more than a million reasons to do so. You’re one of the finest person I’ve ever met, so yep, keep up the great work. Don’t feel bad about yourself, and don’t be afraid what others think of you. They’re entitled to their own (usually skewed and biased) views, and you’re the master of your own fate. Do what your sixth sense tells you, go where your heart yearns. You’ll find it… not at the end of the rainbow, not a pot of gold, but something that means a lot to you (no, it’s not only about relationships hah).

Okay, enough with all the abstract stuff – my main point is, cheer up *pats pats* go get some sleep, don’t think too much. You’ll be fine 😉

At least your fears aren’t as huge as what I’m facing right the moment. Fear dragged you into the dark abyss. Thinking white, fear also drives you to be brave and face it head on.

Well, it’s not guaranteed that 100% of readers would accept what was written, let alone being able to stomach it. It’s like serving asam pedas, some can bedal 3 serving without a breaking a sweat, while others broke into tears just at the very first spoonfed. Don’t let the fear stop the urge of telling. After effects, belakang kira la.

The hard and harsh taste of truth is way better that the sweetness and calming lies. The latter are silent killers of the heart and soul.


Finally, I fear of losing my popularity.

at least ..kau popular la daripada aku.

“I fear that my words would hurt people around me, slowly pushing them away.”

Manusia ni pelbagai perangai. Susah nak pastikan mereka tak terasa dengan kata² kita. Susah nak jaga dan puaskan hati orang lain.

i dont care if you are bad or good. but what you write is you. and i think you are a good type of person. [from what you wrote]

welcome back!

Master of my own fate! Hell yeah! That sounded much like He-Man, Master of Universe.

Well Ted, you don’t really know me that well and we have yet to catch coffee together. I’m sure we could throw light punches at each other. Fist, tak bole, else you’ll bleed your braces out. LoL.

We both know, me as a bad person is a fine lie, but in other ways, I’m just being humble by scorning myself. Try it, you’ll bounce back to prove yourself wrong.

Onim mintak tolong ke die dah pegang rotan ready nak hambat ko sebab kate “kejap lagi” ulang²? Hahha.

Well medea, BAD ni sgt la luas maknenye, sebegitulah juga dgn jahat.

Rangka² dalam almari tu, biar je die bio degradable. Kalau kau reti diam, reti la orang lain turut diam. Unless kau mencari nahas, tu nasib badan lah.

Sebenarnya bile orang mengaku die jahat, pada aku orang itu being humble dgn cara die sendiri. Sama seperti seorang kristian bertemu father di Dashboard Confessional, “Father, I have sinned”.

Anyway bro, kirim salam kt Affan. Futsal weekend ni, kalau rase telo masih melekat di kantung badan, turun lah. Hahaha

Yea, I have to admit that I don’t know you that well, since we’re yet to meet each other. The impression I have on you is solely based on what you write and your responses, but so far, you don’t appear to be *uses Darth Vader’s voice* eeeeviiil.

Have a great Thursday! Two more days and it’s weekend again, heheh.

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