• NH and friends NoktahHitam is my alter ego. I am a nocturnal Web Developer at Laman7. Part time innovator, full time procrastinator.

  • “The only good is knowledge; the only evil is ignorance.”- Socrates

The Three Stooges, Bile Nak Kawen? [Part 2]

I have 2 cousins, both sharing the same age, fate and marital status with me. That makes us the trio.

While witnessing ‘the vows‘, an older cousin (who’s married) squeezed his way to the front, right next to me.  He asked the forbidden question every single people hates,”Bile hang nak kawen?”

I took the rebuke with a smile.

“Takkan takde girlfriend kot?”

“Takde. Ex ramai la.”

“Awat? Hang tak laku ke?”

He was way out of line. I managed to keep cool, but that’s how things are in this family. We like poking into peoples’ business. Typical Penangites or shall I say ‘anak mumi’ (although we’re not).

I gazed deep into his eyes wearing a sad look on my face.

“Dah ketentuan Tuhan. Nak buat macam mane?”

He looked down in shame, knowing he went too far. He lifted his arm and patted my shoulder. “Sabar la eh”.

Hahaha. Yes! PWNED! Thanks to my theatrical talent I managed to brush him of my back. I seriously hope the effect would last long.

********

A few hours later, an uncle walked up to us while we were having our late teh tarik outside the house. “Ni hangpa awat tak kawen lagi?”

My two other cousins decided to answer by pointing at me, “Tunggu Ewin”. Like a fat kid eager for candy, my uncle turned and asked again, “Haaa bile?”

“Tunggu girlfriend 18 tahun. Tanak la consesus rape.” We laughed hysterically.

“Hangpa men-men no? Tak pa..” as he limps away with an injured pride. I clinched my fist, yes! PWNED!

 ********

The key to winning  this question is simple. Knock them off their socks in a polite manner. I’ve illustrated two possible ways, the soft and hard. Now it’s up to your imagination to reply. Best of luck!

ps: How did this turn into a tutorial?

pss: Where are you..? I think I’m missing you :oops:

psss: Thanks for shooting the emotional commentator, tell me what I can do for you.

 

There are 70 Comments for “The Three Stooges, Bile Nak Kawen? [Part 2]”

serious, tabik kat ko!

* tutorial menarik ni. hahaa :arrow: :lol:

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NoktahHitam replied #1

You can’t let people walk all over your face bro. Kene stand up jugak!

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abdusfauzi wrote on June 8, 2009 #1

i klu org tanya bila nak kawen,
i jawap esok.
haha

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Esok jugak I balik batu pahat. Kalau tak kawen, I nak minat rebate!

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t.a.t.a replied #1

Eddie, minat or minta rebate?

soot, kalau orang tanya saya jawab aje 30 feb.

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soot wrote on June 8, 2009 #2

“Hang bila nak kawin? Tak reti lagi ka umoq dah meningkat tua….tadak oghang koi lama koi muda….”

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Strangely now, koi lama, koi laju, koi kental, koi kaya, koi horny. Hahahhaa

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skis replied #1

koi kaya is acceptable….but koi lama koi kental, koi laju? i dont think so….sprinters become slower bila makin tua for example….koi horny? no comment haha…

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Bro, I clocked faster than I was 17. Kental.. agak subjective. But figure aku, aku rase lagi kental la dari aku 17. Tak caye? jom arm wrestle! Kalah belanje Barbican Malt!


skis replied #1

Aah yes….Barbican….tayah tunggu arm wrestling pon aku sanggup belanja :)


NoktahHitam replied #1

Aku tau, disebalik kulit ko tu, tersidai bergelimpangan lemak². Jom la lawan. Bukan selalu jadi budak²


skis replied #1

ko dah lupa kehebatan balingan bola bowling aku? tu baru mukadimah tu….belum full throttle lagi…


NoktahHitam replied #1

Skis, you have to know. I did not participate in javelin nor shot put, because a contestant could only enter 3 events although there’s a possibility of me winning, strength related event. I hand picked you for koleq squad, remember? (I had 100m, 200m, 4x100m events).

Besides, Zaid Waq could do 53 push ups in a minute. I did 71. And I’ve won against him many times. Still feel you’re that superior? Think again you snot!

HehaHAHAHAHA (gelak gaye joker)

Amcam? Blagak tak? Riak tak? Tak yah mukadimah, kite bertanding je :)


skis wrote on June 8, 2009 #3

i have people asking me this Q all the time and most of the time, i stun them with this answer :

“Jodoh tu kan keje Tuhan..knape kite susah-susah nak pikir?”

and it works~~~ (only that i have other people plak tanye the same Q…haih)

p/s : kawenla cepat eddie, i want to be the mak andam..kekeke

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Nice, the soft method.

Kenape la I nak kawen cepat². Cube relax² dulu. Byk lagi mende lain nak difikirkan :P

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skis replied #1

I used to use your answer before masa sebelum kawen…but some of the elders are actually smarter than we thought. They once answered me like this:

“Yela jodoh tu keje Tuhan. Tapi kalau tak usaha, tak guna jugak….sama la macam doa mintak jadik kaya, tapi keje pemalas…”

I thought my respond was good. His is actually better.

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Tu sbb kene ade facial expression. Supaye orang bersimpati :P

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fou replied #1

pergh, ada counter attack rupanya, informative tutorial ni, need more2 hehe

ps: Ed, u anak mami ah?

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Nope. I’m a proud Javanese!


skis replied #1

technically anak mami, physically daeng parani…

kalau mak sendiri yang counter attack, ekspresi muka does not really help.


lyana wrote on June 8, 2009 #4

Earlier today at the hospital, my Nek Su asked me the godforsaken question. I went for Option 1 together with sad puppy dog eyes. She gave me the “Yela jodoh tu keje Tuhan. Tapi kalau tak usaha, tak guna jugak….sama la macam doa mintak jadik kaya, tapi keje pemalas…” answer (or something along that line).

Fortunate for me, my now recovered Opah came to the rescue. She said, “Yang ko nak sibuk2 nak suruh cucu aku kawin kenapa? Biar dia pikir nak sambung masters camner. Tak pun pikir career path macam mana.”

Yess! Someone to back me up! :smile: :smile: :smile:

The funny thing is, up until before I graduated last year, she was the one pushing me to get married. I have no idea why she changed her mind.

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NoktahHitam replied #1

She was reserving the pun for herself. Orang lain tak bole hentam you, die je bole :P

ps: my grandma pon same dgn grandma you.

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Nads wrote on June 8, 2009 #5

Haha. Ari tu balik kampung pun kena tanya soalan bonush ni gak.

Senang jer… I just jawab “Tak tahulah…takdir semua tu…”

HUHU. My grandpa pun senyap dengar jawapan tu.

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Takdir, takdir la jugak. Ade usahe tak? :roll:

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aishah replied #1

usaha tentulah ada…
kalau tak, takde la episod suka duka frust menonggeng nonggeng, dik… :P

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aishah wrote on June 8, 2009 #6

respon aku: “Susah nk carik, budak laki ramai la kat sini, budak pompuan berapa kerat ja, pompuan bukan suka sgt amik program engineering nii, kalo kat UK nuuu kot la, budak medik ramai”

hahaha..always work!

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bul4n replied #1

woww..impressed plak mendengar ade gak tempat ramai guys…ahahaha

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Eh, you have jon :P

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Quote kawan mckk aku, “Ireland tu lubuk bini”. Lubuk, macam memancing plak :razz:

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bul4n replied #1

hahah..nicely put…kesimpulannye mane2 tempat yg msia anta bdak med aa..
owh NH..mmg sgt lubuk aa for u…
lgpon most of the girls yg study overseas tend to be single..<–u can quote this as from me…

if only i would fall in love with mat salleh..n it is reciprocal…ahhahah

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jipo replied #1

lubuk? hahaha.. mcm terlampau byk smpai leh pilih2.best ar guys kat sana..leh jual mahal

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Macam haram! hahahaha. Yg penting kene gentlemen!


bul4n replied #1

somehow i think it just didnt work that way…they (guys & girls) tend to look elsewhere..


jipo wrote on June 8, 2009 #7

hahahahaha :grin: jawapan terbaik! :smile:

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M-I-N wrote on June 8, 2009 #8

my answer would be:

tulah, dah nak kahwin la ni, duit dah ada, kain dah beli, semua dah ready.

calon je taktau sapa.

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linie replied #1

of course kene dengan muka convincing lah… diorg salu bengang…

(tokok tambahla, dah booking dah, dah survey dah semua photographer semua)

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atreyu strange replied #1

this is seriously a cool answer! better than NH’s. oops~

* i can do a straight face, no sweat. huhu~

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NoktahHitam replied #1

But it’ll always back fire.

“Ni anak pak cik leman ni, dah 32 tahun, tp tak kawen² lagi. Nanti pak ngah tanye pakcik leman, kot² anak die sudi”

Tak pasal² kene match make. Believe me, I’ve tried :P


linie replied #1

that’s the whole idea :)

takyah susah2 cari.. ngaha


linie wrote on June 8, 2009 #9

confuse!! :twisted:
why people always tot penangites , ‘anak mami’???
erghh… juz hate it! :down:

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Generalization. Nak buat camne. Aku yg confirm bukan anak mami pon orang ckp aku anak mami.. lagi la cacat.

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k3i wrote on June 8, 2009 #10

wor. really practical. i think i am going to face that sort of questions the next raya.

either I already have one at that time, or I have to put this trick to good use.

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hilman wrote on June 8, 2009 #11

this is the best I’ve read so far of u. it took me a while to stop laughing :)

i thought i am still young (i am) but everybody keep asking this bonus Q. maybe because i was born with the status, ‘among the youngest cousin and single’.
my answer probably lousy but it always ends with – 7 tahun lagi. no candidates and xde org nak. yeah, with that puppy eyes and sad look. konon boleh escape.

i got good response later. “nak tolong carikan?”

help?

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Oh yeah, how old are you actually?

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angelic eyes replied #1

22. pretty young kan? :P

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Eh, it’s about time you got the bonus question. Anyway, if people offer you guys, just take the offer. And if they did bring you someone, there’s always a word called rejection. Not to worry, usually they won’t :P


angelic eyes wrote on June 9, 2009 #12

22 is pretty young to own that Q. how old r u?
my grandma tried matchmake me once. i ran. i thought i am okay with it but i’m scared to death over the idea. unlike you. PWNED! :P

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Alaa you see the guy. Kalau ok, ok la. If not, there’s always me :P

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angelic eyes replied #1

good idea. would take that into consideration. blogs matchmake :grin:

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angelic eyes wrote on June 9, 2009 #13

bila setiap kali bulan percukaian datang, aku pun dpt soalan bonus ni, lebih2 lagi bila org tanya pasal rebate wife, relief utk wife, anak2..

dan aku jawab yang aku kena tax sikit je.. kalau aku kena byk2 tax nanti, baru semua tu aku fikir balik.

tapi, macam dah penat je jawab gitu.

tahun ni, aku banyak senyum dari menjawab. huhu..

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Sebenarnye, senyum lagi kurang pedih nye. Dorg akan faham kite tak selese dgn soalan tu.

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cik simpankira replied #1

lebih baik faham sendiri.

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NoktahHitam replied #1

aku ade cincin kawen tipu. Bile orang tanye, aku tunjuk je. Tak yah ckp byk. Especially kalau client yg tanye.


cik simpankira replied #1

ok, idea yang bagus.
:up:


cik simpankira wrote on June 9, 2009 #14

wowowo. nice tutorial. hehe :grin:

btw, I pray my aunt will find her spouse someday. late already :sad:

i think it’s ok for a guy to find a wife even in 30-40′s but not the girl :?: – i pray for you too. May Allah give you a good wife and cute children :smile:

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Thanks dude! Appreciate your prayer!

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alone wrote on June 9, 2009 #15

kawen?jodoh tuhan tentukan…
tapi ia takkan datang dengan sendiri kalau kita tak carik dengan sungguh2..

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Dah abes bersungguh dah ni!

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skis replied #1

yeke?

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loq wrote on June 10, 2009 #16

¿nʞɐ ʞıuʞǝʇ ʞɐʇ ʞo

“˙ɥɐp uıʍɥɐʞ ɥǝloq ɥɐp ʞosǝ ¡ɐɥ ˙nqıɹ ɥnlndǝs ɐpɐ nʞɐ ‘ɐʎuɐʇ ƃuɐʎ ƃuɐɹo nqıɹǝs ɐpɐ nɐlɐʞ ‘ıpɐɾ ˙ʇıƃƃuıɹ ɥolodǝs ʞɐʇuıɯ uɐʞɐ nʞɐ ‘uıʍɥɐʞ ʞɐu ɐlıq nʞɐ ɐʎuɐʇ ƃuɐʎ ɐdɐısǝs ‘ısnlosǝɹ nʇɐs ʇɐnq ɐpɐ nʞɐ” ‘dɐʞɐɔ uɐʞɐ nʞɐ

“¿uıʍɥɐʞ ʞɐu ɐlıq” nʞɐ ʇɐʞ ɐʎuɐʇ ƃuɐɹo ɐlıq nlnp

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PakciQue wrote on June 10, 2009 #17

usually i just say, ‘kalau boleh esok pun saya nak tapi nak buat macam mana belum jumpa lagi.’ sometime it ends there, but sometime it goes on to things like ‘belum ada boyfriend ke? kenapa putus? kenapa? kenapa? kenapa? bila?’. haih…

speaking of anak mami…

people tend to give me confused look when i say that i’m from penang, because they do expect that orang penang should look a certain way. then i have to take the pain of explaining that i’m not really from penang, blabla. habis kena explain salasilah keluarga. haha. but most of the time i just smile and say, ‘ tak tahulah macam mana boleh jadi rupa macam ni.’ :smile:

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NoktahHitam replied #1

My mom is from Penang. Both my grand dad are Javanese. That makes me a pure breed.

If you really want to blame someone for thinking you’re anak mami, you should blame Razak Maiden (?). He started the “Anak Mami” thingy.

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geraldine wrote on June 10, 2009 #18

oh bagus. I got some of those questions already. lately.

WADAFAK, I’m only 19 okay.

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Hahhaa. That’s always the case.

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skis replied #1

Ladies get that question way earlier than the gents… Not to be offensive, but our Malaysian culture, especially Malays, have put an ‘expiry date’ tags on girls…

And Miss Aisyah, Architecture killed me once!

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NoktahHitam replied #1

Ehh.. selambe ko takutkan AR.

Yeah, Malay have their own ‘funny’ ways of setting things. That’s why I prefer to be Javanese :shock: :smile: :grin:


bul4n replied #1

Women have to get married early because the later we get married, the higher the risk for complications in pregnancy, birth for both mother & baby..

Anyway, while studying for my exam today I just discovered that paternal age also increase risk of miscarriage!

Yayy!!from now on, I’ll put an expiry date for men too..


NoktahHitam replied #1

That’s rather judgemental, don’t you think? To put expiry date on men. I don’t think any of my reader would argue nor make fun of ‘andartu’. If they did, you have my word. I’ll whack their brains out.

Moon, as person who’s overly exposed to western civilization, you should know better than to think like that.


bul4n replied #1

Haha..that was a joke NH..don’t take that seriously!

but I personally think that having babies when you’re young should be encouraged..

although, I do believe in women making choices for themselves!


NoktahHitam replied #1

Noted cik Moon!

It’s in words. I wouldn’t know the tone you struck when you said that.

Having babies when young, sgt² digalakkan. I am ready to become a father, a husband, maybe nanti² la.

Quote: Senang lagi jaga anak sendiri bile kite ayah, daripada jaga anak orang bile jadi laki orang.


Aisyah wrote on June 10, 2009 #19

Leave a comment, I won't bite ;)

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