Sorry Not Too Late, Happy Father’s Day

Dad, I despise you and your expectation with all my might.

To you, being no 2 in class is not good enough. I have to be numero uno. Failing to do so, will end up being caned. To date, I lost count on how many lashes landed on my body.

To you, secondary at boarding school means a lot. I was more of mom’s boy and I prefer to stay at home. But you expect me to be independent. I did, just so you’d acknowledge my bravery. But you didn’t.

To you, not playing sports is equal to a faggot. So I played hockey, but it meant nothing to you. I took on rugby and played at state level, just so you’d acknowledge my manhood. But you didn’t.

To you, architecture is a slow evolving industry and engineering is far superior. I’ve always wanted to be an architect, since I was 5. So I ditched my passion and pursued your path, hoping for you to see that I am an obedient son. But you didn’t.

Everything I do, I could never meet your expectations. Even if I did, you never gave me a pat on the back and say “Well done son”. It was all that I longed for.

Time and time, you humiliated me in public with your sarcastic low blow remarks. You wanted people to see how close we are. I swallowed my pride and laugh, although deep down I’m torn to pieces.

But what I failed to see, was, all this while, you worked very hard, not for yourself, but for me to inherit your virtues. For me to have a better future. For me to be tough enough to face the world. Being a perfectionist, you wanted the best, that includes your sons.

So Dad, this is my humble apology. I am sorry.

I’m sorry for being mad at you for all my life. I know, it’s not my place to be angry at a person who paved gold roads for me. You’d rather be hated than see me crash and burn, such a selfless act. Now I understand what those expectations were there for.

Thank you and Happy Belated Father’s Day.

If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be on my way to become a Kick Ass Web Developer.

ps: I hope my dad doesn’t read this!

pss: Thank you Hana, for knocking some senses. Have a safe trip back to Eire. Thank you Bong, for your youtube mellow genre. Thank you Aween, for listening.

Published by

NoktahHitam

I am web developer, who's main concern is to save the trees. Nonetheless

34 thoughts on “Sorry Not Too Late, Happy Father’s Day”

  1. ..thank you NH for giving me sense to appreciate my dad.

    Love our dad. So we’ll be loved one day by our kids. InsyaAllah.

  2. NH, that’s frigging sweet.

    I grew up with no cool over the top praises for the achievements I had made, I grew up with no sensible appreciations.

    But my father gives me everything. Up until now. Men, as always show their love in kind of different way. But deep inside, I know, that he loves me more than anything.

    Kind of love no doctor girlfriends can give. Believe me.

    Kiss your father. He’ll appreciate that.

  3. dude…
    what ur father done similar to what edie britt done to his son in desperate housewives…
    rather to be hated by his son semata2 nk tgk dia berjaya…

    aku terharu baca blog ni…
    citer kita agak sama…

  4. u made my eyes water…

    your father must be proud to have someone like you as a son, even if he never say it out loud πŸ™‚

  5. even hw terrible our fathers are,
    they still our father.
    but, as a child, our role is to respect them, take a good care of them, obey them.

    sometimes, they make mistakes.
    sometimes they forgot to say, i’m proud of you or, good job, son! but, that’s okay.

    we seek forgiveness from God, mintak Dia ampunkan dosa ayah kita jugak.
    d point is adalah berbalik kepada CINTA TANPA SYARAT. as hw they loved us unconditionally begitulah kita memohon agar dikasihani Allah ke atas diri ini UNCONDITIONALLY. but, if they failed, we must forgive them witout any terms and condition as how God can forgive us unconditionally

    Menghormati mereka, cukup dengan tidak membalas β€˜kejahatan’ mereka dengan β€˜kejahatan’ kita. Sedang kita pun banyak berbuat jahat kepada Allah, namun Allah sentiasa Maha Tahu cara untuk β€˜berbuat baik’ dengan kita. Bagaimana kita boleh mendamba keampunan Allah tanpa syarat, sedangkan kita ghairah meletakkan pelbagai syarat, terhadap ibu bapa sendiri?

    just make the best as we can and take all d chances to make them proud as long as they still alive!

    reminder untuk diri sendiri khususnya n untuk semua amnya~

  6. Oi! Ini because of those videos ke? πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜₯ πŸ˜₯

    I don’t have very pleasant experiences with my father when I was growing up, either. I still refuse to share the stories except to some very close friends.

    Happy Father’s Day to all the great and not so great fathers out there!

  7. Waah..sangat positive thinking.Kurang lebih berlaku kepada saya juga. tapi, saya bersyukur masih mempunyai seorang ayah untuk saya sayangi dan berbakti. IAllah, kalau kita redha, pasti Allah tunjukkan jalan dan diberi rezeki dari arah yang tidak kita sangka2. You know better.=).

  8. Kind of love no doctor girlfriends can give. << hehe so true. Even if she's my wife. Well, I had to earn everything. Eg. I want a bike? I need to be no 1 in class.

  9. Somehow I think redha tu macam pasrah. It’s rather different than what I feel. All this time, mmg redha, tapi not acceptance. Now that I can see clearly, I can finally accept what he has done for me. Amin.

  10. Wah, hard time. Guess that’s what makes you strong, on the inside.

    Happy Father’s day to your dad. And you.

  11. make it a cupcake, cute sikit πŸ˜›

    btw, i read your blog at the office.. how can i cry? karang nanti kantoi surf blog during office hour… hihi

  12. you are welcome πŸ™‚

    sygnye your dad doesnt read this. he should know how lucky he is to have a son like you.

    p/s : i cant stop doing the ‘tegas lembut tegas lembut lembut tegas’!

  13. Stop doing it! Spoils your reading material nanti.

    I am rather lucky to have a father who loves me so much. I hope he’ll be around for a while, so I can show my kids, the one who raised me.

  14. Cupcake? My fav, “Ala mode”. It’s hot, it’s cold, it’s bitter, it’s sweet, it’s chocolatey. It’s all the flavors in one bite πŸ™„

    You could have save it until you get home.

  15. Your dad is the complete opposite of mine. In our home, it was my mum who raised us just as your dad did. I guess that’s why I was close to my dad when I was younger. I’m was the typical “Daddy’s Little Princess” 😳 but now, I’m more attached to my mum, drawing from her strength as a woman.

    Looking back, I’m glad they raised me the way they did and that I’m close to them at different time of my life. It made me the person that I need to be at those different times.

    I’m sure that your dad has his way of showing how he loves you and that he wants the best of you. Your story would make a great gift and I’m sure he would be touched just as your readers are πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  16. Walaupun aku dah takder bapak, tp aku berterima dengan beliau kerana mewariskan ‘kehandseman”nya pada aku. Thanks you Papa πŸ˜€

  17. my dad’s birthday is always near father’s day and we always celebrate it together. Eddie, terharula baca this entry. Love my dad. :’)

  18. woah !! It sound like a poem .. haha .. I face the same problem with u (or we have the same kind of dad ?! .. XD)

  19. kadang kadang kita tend to look on things from one perspective, that is OUR perspective. kan?

    tak pernah nak fikir rasional sesuatu perkara itu berlaku macam tu macam ni. dan jarang nak fikir kenapa orang tu buat itu ini…

    tapi bila kita dah lalui, dan kalau tersedar, alhamdulillah, baru kita tahu apa-apa pun ada kebaikan untuk kita.

    harap2 nanti kita (me) lebih senang untuk fikir dulu before buat satu assumption.

    πŸ™‚

    happy father’s day!

  20. Sedihnya Ed. Good to know you’ve faced your demons and finally put them to rest. Maybe next time I look at your pic, I’ll see smiling eyes? πŸ™‚

  21. I have just read this post and all I could say is it is extremely a beautiful one. This post makes me appreciate my father more. Thanks. πŸ™‚

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