Loser’s Guide to Hooking Up

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Eddie, how do you hook up?

I’ve been asked this question so many times. I just have to write about it. 10 points to help a LOSER.

Is it easy? NO. The first thing you need is guts (but the right kind). Everybody fears the word “rejection”. Take me as an example, 3 out of 10 girls I randomly encounter will converse with me. When the conversation starts, I would know her worthiness (depth of knowledge etc.). When the conversation peaks, I would tell them I have other things to do and ask them is it possible to continue this conversation some other time. If she’s into it, she will pull out her mobile and ask for my number. I’d tell her to miss call me and leave the scene. It looks easy, no?

Secondly, you don’t need a fancy pickup line, like you’re eyes glitter and shit. I usually, start with, I could smell you from a distance, what kind of perfume are you wearing? Where did you get it? I’m planning to buy for my mom… From there, fill in the details.

Third, don’t bring a friend just to demoralize you, best you do it alone. If you were rejected, you would risk to be laughed at everytime you hangout with your friend. Even if you failed on solo attempt, what are you percentage of meeting her again? Go do your statistics. (If you meet again, don’t you think it’s destined?)

Fourth, be yourself. Some famous saying, girls like bad boys and likewise, utterly WRONG. Trust me, girls like to dominate, hence you have to be a good boy (not obedient). But if you’re a geek or stage fright, rehearse! Get a webcam and record yourself. From there try to improve and make it as smooth as possible.

Fifth, beauty is a skin deep. Well, if you think you’re dead ugly, then blame your mom! It doesn’t matter if your face looks like an incomplete road or head shaped like alien. If you have a strong character, she’ll see it. Again, beauty is a skin deep.

Sixth, flattery takes woman everywhere, almost. Don’t flatter them so much, they would think you’re sucking up. If you don’t know how, then Google it! Example, hey, I think your bag is kinda cute (eventhough they’re the ugliest), you really have a good taste.

Seventh, don’t put your money on the table. If you ever meet this kind of girl, just leave them. There are the shallowest people living on earth. This includes, your car, occupation, rich dad etc. If that’s the only thing they look at, then what about you? Your quality characters? She’d definitely leave you if she finds someone richer. BITCH.

Eighth, girls dig the aspiration type. I was asked what do I really want to be? I told them, Prime Minister (of course that comes with a confident tone). They would either be amaze or laugh while holding their tummy, either way, I’ve touched their heart. But of course what ever it is, you must have a clear objective and words to back that up. Otherwise, it’ll be an utter bullshit. Of course, don’t use my line 😀

Ninth, don’t bother things in common. Where do you study? University X. Oh good, do you know my friend ABC who’s doing XYZ. Cut the crap. Opposite attracts. Remember this is only the first encounter, later on you can find things in common. Create a little argument so you don’t run out of topics to talk about.

Tenth, the touching gesture. Well of course in Malaysia we don’t really practice hugging or kissing on first encounter. So shake their hands, use both of yours. By doing so, you portray yourself as a gentleman who really appreciates the short conversation you just had. Remember, little and worthless nice gestures when summed up will be strong point.

Me? well, I’m not so interested in dating scene, I just like to make friends. I have tonnes of dreams yet to fulfill. I believe my birth is to aid the ones in need any possible way I can offer. Girls? They’re just a distractions, friends are not.

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NoktahHitam

I am web developer, who's main concern is to save the trees. Nonetheless

18 thoughts on “Loser’s Guide to Hooking Up”

  1. wei.. suka hati ko je buat mazhab sendiri.. haram la.. bukan ke perumpaan menyentuh kulit orang yang bukan muhrim tu sama dengan menyentuh kulit babi?? Malah, menyentuh kulit babi adalah lebih baik daripada bersentuhan dengan yang bukan muhrim.. sebab kalau sentuh kulit babi boleh samak sebab itu najis mughallazah.. kalau bersntuhan yang bukan muhrim, Tuhan tak kasi cara untuk cuci sebab memang harammmmm.

    aku cuma berkongsi apa yang aku tahu je la. Tak berniat untuk ajak debat. sori eh. this is ur blog anyway.. aku suka baca but apa yang aku rasa nak speak up tu, aku belasah je ckp. again, sori. my bad.. hehe

  2. nope. according to Tok Guru (Penasihat PAS), die cakap tak haram. Malah sunat bersalaman. Aku tak igt mane aku simpan file tu, tp ko bole google. senang je jumpe.

  3. haha.cool dude.i think most of the tips might work but i think u forgot bout being spontaneous.gals like the funny part when u r like fooling yourself arnd cthnya..tersasul ke..or nyanyi salah masuk ke..patut chorus belum lagi tp ko dah masuk..tp kene tahan la if she make fun of you becoz dats the point.but thngs will get a bit messy if she had bitchy frens and u cant stand the laughter the pour on you.but those maybe not applicable for short 1st encounter.sik sempat.for me, kat swak, i hit with semenanjung lines and then ckp \”mek sik pandei klakar swak” or saya tak pandai ckp swak.hahaha.it does really work.cheers!

  4. spontaneous? not everyone is blessed with that. thats why just be yourself, as in original, except for the korek idung part etc.

  5. Sunat bersalaman? Kalau belajar agama, tak boleh ikut pendapat individu. Kena kaji dan baca tafsir al-Quran untuk sahkan apa yang kita belajar.. Nak2 pulak kalau pendapat tu agak bertentangan dengan apa yang kita pelajari dalam kurikulum agama. Aku belajar tang haram salam ngan laki ni since sekolah rendah.. actually dari rumah sendirilah.. Kalau hukum ‘harus’ itu aku pernah dengar n tahu.. itu pun kalau yang menghulurkan salam tu orang yang bukan Islam atau ‘jahil’ tentang hukum agama. Meaning, dia tak tau salam tu berdosa.

    Hukum sunat maknanya “kalau buat dapat pahala”. Are u suggesting that kalaun kita salam ngan orang yang bukan muhrim, pahala akan bertambah??? Well, if that so.. I wonder why ulama2 di negara kita ni tak salam dengan orang2 yang bukan muhrim. Im referring to ‘ulama yang benar2’ ulama of course!

    Hukum ‘harus’ ni boleh digunakan dalam keadaan ‘darurat’. Contoh: orang Islam diharamkan makan babi, anjing dan makanan2 yang tidak halal. tapi, dalam keadaan darurat, iaitu dengan takde satu pun makanan halal yang ada di sekitar dan kalau dia tak makan, boleh membawa kepada kematian, maka Islam meletakkan hukum harus untuk dia makan apa sahaja yang membolehkan dia survive… babi, tikus, kucing.. apa sahajalah..

    so, cuba ko compare keadaan harus untuk makan tikus/babi dengan harus untuk salam dengan yang bukan muhrim…….

    Hukum harus tu berada dalam keadaan yang sama iaitu DARURAT.

    Yang hairannya, orang Islam rela mati daripada terpaksa makan hanjeng, tikus, lipas, babi, kutu babi, etch.. tapi bab2 berpegangan tangan/bersalam ni selamba cipan je… tak darurat pun buat2 macam darurat..

    Eh, aku dah buat cam debat plak.. sori. hahah

  6. aku selalu jumpe pompuan yang macam ko cakap kat point ketujuh tu…hampeh dan kurapan…eyh, kite bukan penah kenal pompuan yang same ke? hahaha…

  7. “kubur lain2? logik jugak.. ok. sori…hehe”

    aku bukan ape, lantak ko lah nak salam ke hape ke.. tapi takyahla ajak orang lain ikut buat sekali. Menambah saham je nanti. Aku pun mungkin ada jugak langgar apa yang sepatutnya Islam tegah, tapi takdelah aku nak pertahankan pulak cakap apa yang aku buat tu betul. Yang salah tetap salah. Membenarkan yang salah boleh rosak akidah jadinya. Sori anyway.

  8. speaking of haram bersentuhan tu.. well my ustaz said it is generally haram, tapi kalau orang dah hulur tangan and to avoid misunderstanding, adalah harus kita salam.. that’s what i know.

    i agree with most of your points above. it’s better not to tell your financial position suma at the start.. not only u’d invite mata duitan, tapi it will signal that you are boasting..

    for me, a guy can be a billionaire skalipon, but i’d never sell my dignity and make myself cheap. girls pon ada pride gak.

  9. ko tak bole ikutkan pelajaran ko mase sek ren. tah2 mase tu, ko pon tak bape paham. ade gak bende yg bercanggah dari zaman sek ren, e.g. neil armstrong masuk islam, cube ko google sket, bace satu2.. neil armstrong tu idop lg, tp die tetap kristian.

    ko jgn ikut bidaah sgt, byk mende based on traditions atau culture. mane yg baik tu ok la, mane yg tak ok, takyah la follow.

    lagi satu, takkan la tok Guru Nik Aziz tu tah pape. member bace doa qunut sayu je rase, penuh penjiwaan. ko nak lawan, pegi la cari die, takyah fight dgn aku. ilmu agame aku cetek je. tp aku tak bole tahan kalau org lain memperkecilkan org yg aku suke.

    lagi satu, aku listkan 10 kat atas, aku tak MENGGALAKKAN MAKSIAT pon. nak break down? 74.5% traffic aku dari luar msia, ape percentage dorg agame islam?

    “aku”, sebelum ko serbu org tak tentu arah, cermin diri dulu. sekecil2 iman bermula dgn diri sendiri. dari situ ko expand. kalau nak berdakwah, jgn repulsive sgt, nanti org pon naik angin.

    btw, nak bincang pasal hal agame, ko pg tazqirah.com

    ninie: almost exactly what Nik Aziz said

  10. My name is Salfiza. Janganlah marah. FYI, aku pun sangat2 menghormati Tok Guru Nik Aziz. Dia salah seorang pemimpin Islam yang wajar kita hormati. Macam ni lah, Encik Eddie, boleh tak ko bagi kat aku link yang memaparkan kenyataan Tok Guru Nik Aziz berkenaan hukum bersalaman sesama bukan muhrim ni? Sunat bersalaman tu BETUL tapi kalau sesama MUHRIM.. abang dan adik, perempuan dan perempuan, etch.. Aku pun bukannya ‘alim’ sangat.. banyak kena belajar lagi.. tapi cam ni lah, selagi pegangan aku bahawa ‘bersalaman dengan laki yang bukan muhrim tu haram’ tak merosakkan aku.. malah membawa kebaikan, aku tak rasa aku berpegang kepada bidaah… Nabi Muhammad SAW sendiri pernah bersabda “jika ditusuk dengan besi dikepala seseorang adalah lebih baik baginya dari memegang-megang perempuan yang tidak halal baginya”. Apa yang linie sebutkan tu merujuk kepada hukum ‘harus’ yang aku cakap sebelum ni. Itu pun dalam keadaan yang aman daripada fitnah. Lebih baik menghindar daripada melakukannya. Kerana ransangan ‘sentuhan’ tu lebih kuat daripada pandangan mata.

    Aku belum layak bagi tazkirah, sekadar menyampaikan sedikit yang aku tahu. So, tak perlulah kot aku pergi ke web site yang kau bagi tu, untuk menjadi pemerhati oklah. Btw, merujuk kepada entry ko kali ni.. aku rasa tak semua perempuan akan fall for the guy who did those tips. Kalau hati dah suka, tak buat apa2 pun suka jugak. Kalau mmg dah tak suka, jadilah se’gentleman’ mana, hati tetap takkan terpaut. Untuk sekadar ‘play the game’ itu mungkin boleh jadi.

    Akhir kata, “Sampaikanlah kebenaran walaupun rasanya itu pahit”. Terima kasihlah sebab cakap aku belum cukup faham masa belajar agama dulu. Tapi aku rasa ustaz dan ustazah aku yang belajar penat2 kat Al-Azhar tu cukup faham agama untuk memahamkan aku. Aku merujuk kepada ustaz dan ustazah di sek agama, bukan cikgu yang ajar agama kat sek keb.

    Aku memang biasa buat orang sakit hati, untuk itu AKU MINTA MAAF. This is my last comment on ur blog anyway. Have a nice day!

  11. mende tu artikel bercetak dan bukan hak milir peribadi.

    btw, this post is about hooking up NOT MAKING a girl fall in love. And by hooking up, I mean hang out friends. Beyond that, its incomprehensible.

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