Loser’s Guide to Hooking Up

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Eddie, how do you hook up?

I’ve been asked this question so many times. I just have to write about it. 10 points to help a LOSER.

Is it easy? NO. The first thing you need is guts (but the right kind). Everybody fears the word “rejection”. Take me as an example, 3 out of 10 girls I randomly encounter will converse with me. When the conversation starts, I would know her worthiness (depth of knowledge etc.). When the conversation peaks, I would tell them I have other things to do and ask them is it possible to continue this conversation some other time. If she’s into it, she will pull out her mobile and ask for my number. I’d tell her to miss call me and leave the scene. It looks easy, no?

Secondly, you don’t need a fancy pickup line, like you’re eyes glitter and shit. I usually, start with, I could smell you from a distance, what kind of perfume are you wearing? Where did you get it? I’m planning to buy for my mom… From there, fill in the details.

Third, don’t bring a friend just to demoralize you, best you do it alone. If you were rejected, you would risk to be laughed at everytime you hangout with your friend. Even if you failed on solo attempt, what are you percentage of meeting her again? Go do your statistics. (If you meet again, don’t you think it’s destined?)

Fourth, be yourself. Some famous saying, girls like bad boys and likewise, utterly WRONG. Trust me, girls like to dominate, hence you have to be a good boy (not obedient). But if you’re a geek or stage fright, rehearse! Get a webcam and record yourself. From there try to improve and make it as smooth as possible.

Fifth, beauty is a skin deep. Well, if you think you’re dead ugly, then blame your mom! It doesn’t matter if your face looks like an incomplete road or head shaped like alien. If you have a strong character, she’ll see it. Again, beauty is a skin deep.

Sixth, flattery takes woman everywhere, almost. Don’t flatter them so much, they would think you’re sucking up. If you don’t know how, then Google it! Example, hey, I think your bag is kinda cute (eventhough they’re the ugliest), you really have a good taste.

Seventh, don’t put your money on the table. If you ever meet this kind of girl, just leave them. There are the shallowest people living on earth. This includes, your car, occupation, rich dad etc. If that’s the only thing they look at, then what about you? Your quality characters? She’d definitely leave you if she finds someone richer. BITCH.

Eighth, girls dig the aspiration type. I was asked what do I really want to be? I told them, Prime Minister (of course that comes with a confident tone). They would either be amaze or laugh while holding their tummy, either way, I’ve touched their heart. But of course what ever it is, you must have a clear objective and words to back that up. Otherwise, it’ll be an utter bullshit. Of course, don’t use my line 😀

Ninth, don’t bother things in common. Where do you study? University X. Oh good, do you know my friend ABC who’s doing XYZ. Cut the crap. Opposite attracts. Remember this is only the first encounter, later on you can find things in common. Create a little argument so you don’t run out of topics to talk about.

Tenth, the touching gesture. Well of course in Malaysia we don’t really practice hugging or kissing on first encounter. So shake their hands, use both of yours. By doing so, you portray yourself as a gentleman who really appreciates the short conversation you just had. Remember, little and worthless nice gestures when summed up will be strong point.

Me? well, I’m not so interested in dating scene, I just like to make friends. I have tonnes of dreams yet to fulfill. I believe my birth is to aid the ones in need any possible way I can offer. Girls? They’re just a distractions, friends are not.

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