NoktahHitam is my alter ego. I am a nocturnal Web Developer at 
I’m saving all the serious post for later. I’ve already outlined the main points. Just haven’t got the “speret”1 to do it.
To some, I may be a headstrong and hard headed person. I could easily outdo myself anytime I like. But in reality, that’s just wrong, those are just barriers I put up to protect myself. I’m sure in many ways, you have your guards up too.
Ego or Wicked? The tune has been playing on my mind for quite sometime.
I’m starting to think what I write here is to feed my ego more than my wicked thoughts. Which defeats the whole purpose of writing this blog. Although it’s hard to admit, I’m just like any blogger out there, an attention whore. 2
I’ve mellowed to bits. I got so lost in myself, that I’m unsure of what lies underneath this skin. It’s hard being someone you’re not, especially if you know yourself, you’re not really that nice.
I’ve also noticed that my performance isn’t getting anywhere but south. Hence the tantrums I’ve been throwing at people lately. I guess I’m just mad, at what or who remains a question mark.
Like my best bud would say,”Ed, let it slide.”
It’s not my nature to quit when the going gets tough, but once in a while, raising a white flag isn’t so bad after all.
ps: I’m sorry to those who dealt with me during my hard times. I didn’t mean knock you over and a can of whoopass.
pss: At times like these, I wish I’m cheerful and making stupid jokes, like always. I guess adulthood did alter my life.
- “speret” is a a localized term for “team spirit” used by budak MCKK, but also can used as “semangat” ↩
- Generally speaking. But it’s nice to know docs-to-be reads my rambling mind ↩
wah sesi bermuhasabah disini…
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