Happy Birthday the Banker


I’m exaggerating here. but I’m not kidding about the first 3.


This dude was my deskmate in form 4 and later in form 5 (English class, Set A). We argued every single day. The two most agonizing topics were physics and add maths. We also find ways to bring each other down (talk about being Malays!). But out of that rivalry, we found true friendship and made irreplaceable memories together.

The pranks and jokes we played on each other was rough. I nor he doesn’t know where the line lies. Sometimes we pushed the limit and offended each other intentionally. We stopped talking and tell ourselves, I have the upper hand in the last battle. The next hour, the score was even, everything was back to normal, we again started bashing each other. Though he looks tough (mentally), he is actually very sensitive and timid. Jokes on ‘Kelate’ (his hometown) and pirated products should be avoided at all cost.

There was 2 incidents that seems so fresh in my mind. The first was our illegal outing and the second, was the book called ‘destiny’. I do not wish to elaborate on the second incident.

Illegal Outings

The time was closing in to midnight, thebanker and kidd walked into my dorm and persuaded me to accompany them to a cyber cafe. Both thebanker and kidd were computer geeks. Wearing a rugby shorts and a singlet I left the school, tunneling our way through the fence, we would call it, ‘jalan lori’.

We stopped by at a local warung for late supper and head to the cyber cafe. Thebanker was into HTML, in those days (1999), HTML was a WTF language to me. He was known as hayagriva back then, or some shit like that. And Kidd, he was into porn (seems normal for a 16 year old boy to be curious about the opposite sex). I played starcraft, sometimes overlooking Kidd’s pc (reassuring he was not into minor).

Look! thebanker shouted, he made his first marquee syntax. The words were flying from left to right, I was least interested. About 3am, we decided to go back. I completed my game and waited for kidd and thebanker to back up their work. Good stuff.

On the way back, we laid down on one of the most busiest streets in Kuala Kangsar for 5 mins, making an mercedes sign with 3 of us connecting heads. Fortunately, no car rammed us nor there was even a vehicle that night. That night also we touched all 3 colored traffic lights (have you ever touched them?). It was a brainless and historic night.

Then came the biggest obstacle, climbing back in. We had no idea where the warden was. He could be hiding behind a tree or be seated lazily at the security booth. Being smart, they devised a plan but I insisted we continue on being brainless and pummel our way through the main gate, whatever happens, happens. After minutes of brainwashing, they agreed.

We walked leisurely passed the police barrack and saw a pack of stray dogs waiting for us on the side of the road. Cowardly, thebanker insisted we go on different route. Kidd and I opposed, and told him, the dogs won’t chase us if we don’t run plus, we’re near the second main gate. Thebanker made us promised that we won’t run, knowing that both kidd and I was school athletics’ star sprinters. Ok, I’m cool with that.

The next minute, I squad down to fix my loose sandals. Kidd, seeing me in a 100m kick start positioned, he decided to make a run for it. Run! I shouted and ran for my life bearing the thought that the dogs were chasing us. I didn’t looked back but I know thebanker was pushing with all his might to gain on us. The distance between us was like, kidd-me, 15 meters and me-thebanker, 20-25 meters.

The second main gate was about 3 meters tall. Kidd made the first leap, followed by me and thebanker. Kidd made a 2-steps-leap, thebanker and I made 1-step-leap over the gate (come to think of it, it was near impossible feat), we were still miles apart. Kidd ran while pointing towards the toilet, as a sign ‘we’ll meet there’. I relayed the message to thebanker.

Once everyone reached the toilet, gasping for breath, thebanker mocked kidd for his cowardly act and selfishness while kidd kept blaming me for his misunderstanding of the kick-start position and I kept apologizing to thebanker, for leaving him trails behind. It was a 3 way conversation. We heard each other. Funny, we were afraid of the dogs than being kicked out of school. Out of that stupidity, I know we made a good judgment, we won’t trade life easily. Secondly, unity is strength. We could’ve ganged up against the dogs. Thirdly, never go out with sprinters (of course date them, ehem!). Fourthly, don’t leave your friends behind, your life is as important as your friends’.

Since then, thebanker never includes me in his illegal outings. I, on the other hand, go out alone to a warung for a quicky late night snack. If I ran into a warden, he’d tell me to drop by the security booth when I get back for a whip on the ass. At the age of 16, ass whipping was like a pinch on the cheek, painless. Often I find myself being lectured, I know I was indispensable to the school (chewah!). Still, I prefer an ass whip, less hassle compared to nodding.

Anyway, for all the hassle I put you through and the offending jokes, sorry for everything. Happy Birthday you jack ass!

PS: If we were to put that midnight dash into 100m timing, it would be, kidd – 11.9 secs, me – 11.9 secs and thebanker – 12.5 secs. Thebanker would easily qualify for the 100m second round district level (U-18).

Wish thebanker at dontbankonit.blogspot.com

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