Golfing 101

Last weekend I went to the driving range with Mind. Our friendship go way back 15 years ago and we’re pretty much comfortable with each other. Considering both of us are beginners, we decided to settle at the corner. Far from superior golfers.

Mind was having problem getting the ball to go up, so was I. Our shots were inconsistent. Sekejap left, sekejap right,sekejap tak kene langsung. But we didn’t laugh at each other and put in more effort.

Out of no where an old timer lauded, “Dik, blajar pitching laa dulu. Kalau pitching tak lepas, jangan harap nak pukul dengan kayu lain. Golf ni bahaya kalau tak reti main.

It wasn’t what he said that annoyed us, it was his tone. Pure sarcasm.

But we remained calm and continued with our remaining shots. At 50 balls, Mind decided to retire. I guess he lost his confidence to that old bugger. Poor guy, he wanted to practice, instead got a mental beating.

Yesterday, I revisited the driving range. I got the same spot. The old man was there.

I was no where near average. I was getting worst. My swing was off, so was the target. It was a poor sight. The old man said, “belajar pitching dulu, baru datang driving range“. Somehow what he said got me. Here I am, trying my best to land a good shot and there he was, being Simon Cowell of golf.

Another 20 shots, still, I couldn’t get it right.

That old man turned to me and said, “buang duit je kau main golf“.

This is it. This is as far as I’ll let anyone walk all over me (and my friend). This old fart needs a foot up his ass and I’ll gladly volunteer. I rolled up my sleeves, turned my cap the other way around, put the club on my back and held a ball in my hand. Deep inhale…

Wey hitam, diam-lah.”

That was probably the rudest thing I’ve ever said in 2010 and I believe I was right in doing so. Sometimes old farts needs a slap on the head, even dato’ too. He turned around and pretended like he never engaged me.

Come on lah uncle, we come here to practice our swings. If our house is a 9 hole course, we wouldn’t even bother setting our foot here. So, pikir lah skit. Besides, whether it’s my money or dad’s, it’s our money. We can do what ever we want with it.

ps: I felt pretty bad telling that old man off. I guess we’re all bound by our eastern quality, hormat yang tua, no matter how westernize we think we are. Oh well, at least I didn’t throw the ball nor swing the club I was holding. Mental remarks cukup lah.

pss: To shut someone up, you only 3 words. Wey (some low-blow remarks), (what you want them to do)! Example, Wey Ayam, berak-lah! Trust me, it’s the quickest way to get out of confrontational talks.

psss: I didn’t teach you this and you didn’t learn it from me. Ok?

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