Jodoh Is Overated

I swear, the next time anyone who comes to me and say “dah bukan jodoh“, I’m going to fuck their brains out (provided they have one).

Jodoh is overated.

It takes two consensual people to start a relationship. They have to like each other and explore the dark possibilities. Down the road it might be tough. That’s why you have each other, to pull each other from slumps and break the obstacles ahead. (more…)

Cepat Sampai

I had to rush to send a friend back to able to be on time for a meeting.

It was a heavy stream of traffic, everyone just got off work. Thankfully, Duke’s there to save the day. I managed to send that friend and be on time for the meeting. I hate waiting for people, likewise, have people wait for me.

It was hard to push the old lady to 150kmh, somehow I got her rolling to 190kmh.

Upon arrival, I sent a text message saying how sorry I was about my driving attitude. (Not many fancy left-right-hard-braking maneuvers). The last time I did that, my ex puked all over my G2000, but that was 2 years ago.

Anyway, she replied, “Takpe, seronok naik kereta dgn you”.

“Seronok?”, pure puzzlement.

“Yup. Cepat sampai.”

WTH?

Moral: Don’t drive with your girlfriend on the passenger seat. You’ll love her less when she spills her tummy content all over your face.

Girls, Don’t Lose Weight!

“Am I fat?” has always been one of the toughest question to answer, and it doesn’t pay if you answer them honestly. They’ll be self loathing and what follows next is the “I need to diet” exclamation.

In writing this post, I hope to convince the Eve party not to diet (unless obese).

Whoever give you the impression Kiera Knightley is hot? Well, neck up, she is, anything below is a walking match stick. Let’s put Scarlett Johansson into equation. I’m dead sure boys would drool over her more than Kiera.

Ok, that seems rather sexual.

Truth is, boys would prefer someone who’s normal or slightly above, BMI 23 to 26. Enough talk, let’s put this into vote.

*Only Guys can vote. Girls and Gays, stay away*

What’s Bugging You?

Your mama called she said that you’re down stairs crying
Feeling like such a mess
Yeah I hear you you’re in the background bawling
What happened to your sweet summertime dress

There are times you’re on the verge of hypertension, pulling your hair wouldn’t do much justice. There are times you want reach out, but you’re afraid to bring them down along. And sometimes you just want to be left alone.

I don’t know what’s up, but everyone seems like they’re in a slump, including me. (more…)

An Ode to the Nice Guys

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point.

This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores.

This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. (more…)

Am I Fat ? How To Correctly Answer

Girls cannot refrain themselves from asking this typical question. Often, when addressed to a guy, it’d be a definitive death wish. You answer wrongly, you get a pinch. You answer correct, you get an excessive compulsion(berleter). Either way, you are doomed. So how you do answer correctly?

I’m the type of guy who holds strongly to my stand. “Be honest, no matter how much it’ll hurt”. Although I have to say, this isn’t an admirable logic to hang on to, it does saves me from the trouble of listening to unnecessary nag.You don’t believe me? Ok, I’ll give you some answers I’ve tried.

Girl R: Am I fat?
NoktahHitam: No-lah, ok ok only.
Girl R: Oh really? I was thinking of loosing weight. And you know with all this open house ..bla bla bla.. (I lost her there)

That’s what you get for playing safe, a big fat nag. Seriously girl, if you want to lose weight, bring bottled water to open houses. Excuse yourself from food tasting, it can be addictive.

Girl J: Do you think I’m fat?
NoktahHitam: No. You looked thinner.
Girl J: Really? I’m on this new product call XxX, it helps shave some fat while .. bla bla bla.. I also go to gym .. bla (not interested.. ok?)

That’s what you get for sucking up. I said “thinner” because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Turns out, she’s hurting mine by pushing her Multi Level products.

Girl T: Do you think I’m fat?
NoktahHitam: Yes you are.
Girl T: It’s about time I go back to gym. You see, I don’t have time after work .. bla bla .. (please, I’m not your blog)

Being honest hurts too, especially if you don’t know how to deviate the answer.

What you can do is be brutally honest. It’ll likely to stun them, or at least enough for them to change the topic. So how do I answer?

Girl Z: Do you think I’m fat?
NoktahHitam: Of course you are. You look like a cow in tights.
Girl Z: You’re mean!
NoktahHitam: Obviously. Thanks for asking.

Being me, I’m always cruel in my own ways

If you can’t answer, remember your standard 1 class banner, “Silence is Golden” or you can fake an epilepsy, just make sure there aren’t any doctors around (unless cute ones).

ps: I guess it depends on what the girl wants to hear.

pss: Girls, don’t ask boys how you look like, because we use Jessica Alba, Elisha Cuthbert and Marie Digby as our benchmark.

psss: Open houses ends this week! Horray~ I will write why I hate them.

Killer Love Tag

Before you further read this, I just want you to know, I’m writing this not to pour my heart out nor I’m trying to brag. I believe in honest writing, so that’s what I’ll do.

Apparently Smaelz83 tagged me, let’s see how transparent I can be.

1. How many time have you been in love?
I’ve been in 13 relationships and fallen in love once. The L word doesn’t struck me so often.

2. 3 songs that make you remind of her?
Only 1 song that reminds me of her, Fenix TX - Tearjerker. you can listen to it in my Tape section.

3. What is the romantic thing that you do for her, or she do for you?
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