Pergaduhan di Lebuh Raya NPE Kerana 80 sen

Topic biar hangat bak Kosmo!

Anyway, while on the way meeting my boys for lunch at G-Tower Jalan Tun Razak, I took the NPE route from Subang Jaya. It wasn’t the best path considering that I will be entering from Sg. Besi which means smaller lanes and gaps between cars, but it’s the fastest. 20-30 minutes ride from Subang Jaya to KL. 30 Kilometer ada kot.

I am not too familiar with NPE on motorbikes, but with car, I know which lane to stick to for smart tag, touch and go or cash. With my bike, I wasn’t really sure when would be the right time to bear left.

NPE-jaga-kurang-hajar

Like always, doing 90-100 kmh on the most right lane, I accidentally missed the lane for bikes. Gile la kalau nak pancung semua kereta dan lori. So I headed straight to the toll booth, hoping that I could slide my fat ass between the cones and toll gate. There stood a man with a baton in his hand, bercekak pinggang sambil menjerit, “PUSING BALIK!”. Teringat scene Gandalf, “You shall not pass!” Rambut dah sama putih, kulit je kene salin skit.

I yelled back, “Mana boleh pusing balik. Banyak kereta.”

Weaving his baton back and forth, he yelled again,”Pusing balik! Lu jangan kurang ajar. Kasi pusing balik”. He called for backup, another guard yg duduk bawah kanopi. Both of them yelled at me, “You pusing balik!”.

I asked myself, is this for real? These 60 years old plus guards, think they can take down a man with full face helmet, knuckled gloves and padded jacket that can withstand 80 kmh impact. They’re not kidding me, but themselves.

I thought again and again. I came to 3 simple solutions.

  1. Langgar je pak guard tu, confirm barai.
  2. Turun, cakap elok-elok atau terus bertumbuk.
  3. Pusing balik.

I was convinced that the third option is the most hassle free. I don’t want to hit an old man, nor have blood on my bike. But going wrong way for 200 meters will be the hardest/stupid thing to do. Ini macam paksa manusia lain berhenti makan nasi ikut mulut. Makan ikut bontot. Ini kerja GILA!

I reconsidered my options. These guards could really use a warm up and so do I.

I prompted, “kalau saya bayar tol?”

Both the guard jalan balik ke tempat duduk masing-masing, pretended nothing happened. I asked the lady at the toll booth how much will this cost me. LAPAN PULUH SEN! 80 sen sahaja. Imagine kalau paper Kosmo atau Harian Metro keluar title, Dipukul Rempit Kerana 80 sen!

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Assholes On The Road

It’s been 3 months since I owned Mutu (my bike, has nothing to do with an indian name. Instead of spelling it moto, I changed the vowel) the experience of riding a mid size bike is surreal. I constantly think about riding Mutu when I’m driving, about to go to bed or even while nature calls. It’s that addictive!

Assholes On The Road

No matter how fast we go, eventually we all have to stop at red lights. In an open straight road, other bikers (lower cc) and pumped up Waja-lution (and the likes) would rev before the light turns green. When I turned to them, they’d signal for short drag till the next traffic light. I’d just nod in agreement.

They started revving louder and louder, so did I. Adrenaline starts kicking in, the mind starts to simulate gear shifts and eyes on the tarmac, praying so that nothing suddenly jumps in your way. As soon as the light turns green, we all released the demon inside us, the need for speed.

Unfortunately for them, I rode  like I normally start on green light, slowly. To them I maybe an ass for deceiving like some bully whom snatched the fun candy from them, to me, they’re all f-up. I mean no disgrace but what are you compared to 70 horse power between my legs? Mutu does 0-100kmh in 4 secs. Let’s not kid ourselves. I’m not into drags and you have no chance against Mutu.

If you really want to race, go to Sepang track day. On normal road, be a good motorist.

I’m an ass, so are you but I’m a lot safer.

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How to Convince Your Family that You Want to Buy a Big Bike

This normally applies to guys who dream of having their own naked/super bike and have trouble convincing the family that you will be riding responsibly. This is how I managed to get my whole family to agree.

How to Convince Your Family that You Want to Buy a Big Bike

1. Spouse. The first you need in your army is your spouse. Get them to agree with the idea. Most woman find big bikes sexy but not practical. I first time I told my wife I wanted a bike, she insisted me not to because of the danger that it presents. I told her that, when I get older, I wouldn’t be as responsive as I am now. Anytime of owning one should be now or in few years to come not in my later years.

Getting wife interested is pretty tough. What I did was, before I go to bed, I’d play motorcycle videos on YouTube. Only the one that involves sound of engine and top speed, no crash or racing. I got her to play a game, identify whether it’s a single cylinder, double or quadruple through its sound. I literally played this for more than a month.

I also promised her that we’d go riding during the weekends. It would be our little adventure before we start being a responsible parents. Preferably some where not that far and road isn’t boring. I also promised to get full safety gear for myself and her, that includes jacket, gloves, full face helmet and riding boots.

2. Blessing from Parents. I had a very hard time convincing my mom on the bike. She tried avoid talking about it. I told her up front, I want to ride to work. Tolls and fuel are costly (paying additional RM500 monthly for a bike isn’t ?). But the important thing is, I want to go to office and back home with lesser stress. Like my wife, I promised her I would get all the safety attire that needs to be in place. She still disagrees.

I don’t know about you, but every time I go against my mom’s word, something disastrous will happen. I don’t want that, I don’t want to go against her words hence I used the army that I recruited earlier, my wife. I got my wife to call from Australia to convince my mom. I guess after series of doctrine injected into her mind, she finally submits to the idea of a bike.

Eventually my mom was convinced, though I had already paid the bike in full a week earlier.

3. Promise yourself. This is very important. You have to promise yourself that you will not ride like some punk ass who doesn’t believe in tomorrow. Ride within your reasonable limit. This means to say, you have to learn to curb your need for speed. I don’t deny, it’s fun beating the hell out of the bike but you have to know, your family loves you.

Also get yourself a quality protective gear, don’t buy cheap China made or fake brands. They are generally expensive but if you fell, not a single scratch will land on you (I know, I fell once).

Last word, ride safely. See ya around.

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